Sitting with Uncertainty (even when it’s uncomfortable)

Feb 3

If there’s one thing most people can’t stand, it’s not knowing. Not knowing what’s next. Not knowing how something will turn out. Not knowing if you’re making the right choice. That discomfort—the squirmy, anxious feeling that creeps in when the future is unclear—can be enough to make even the most rational person spiral into worst-case-scenario thinking.

And yet, uncertainty is everywhere. It’s part of life, whether we like it or not. No matter how much we plan, control, or analyze, there will always be unknowns. So the real challenge isn’t getting rid of uncertainty (because …good luck with that). It’s learning how to tolerate it without letting it take over.

Why Is Uncertainty So Hard?

Our brains love patterns, predictability, and control. When we lack those things, we can feel anxious, restless, or even panicked. Some people try to manage this by over-researching, seeking constant reassurance, or avoiding decisions altogether. Others go into full-blown catastrophe mode, convinced that everything will fall apart if they don’t figure things out right now.

Sound familiar?

If so, you’re not alone. I see this all the time—young adults figuring out their path, parents worrying about their kids, and people facing health challenges, or big life transitions. The urge to know is strong. But sometimes, the only way forward is to sit in the uncertainty, even when it feels unbearable.

So How Do You Get Better at This?

You don’t have to love uncertainty, but you can get better at tolerating it. Here are a few things that help:

Remind Yourself: Just Because It’s Uncertain Doesn’t Mean It’s Bad
Our brains tend to fill in the blanks with worst-case scenarios, but uncertainty doesn’t automatically mean disaster. Sometimes, the unknown leads to something better than you expected. (Think about all the great things in your life that started as unknowns.)
Focus on What You Do Know
When everything feels up in the air, anchor yourself in what’s solid. What is certain right now? What can you control? Even small things—like your routines, how you take care of yourself, or who you turn to for support—can help ground you.
Practice Making Small Decisions Without Overthinking
If you struggle with uncertainty, you might also struggle with decision-making. Start small. Order something new at a restaurant without researching every option. The more you practice tolerating uncertainty in low-stakes situations, the easier it becomes in bigger ones.
Notice When You’re Trying to Eliminate Uncertainty Instead of Managing It
Are you endlessly Googling? Repeating the same worries in your head? Trying to force an answer before you have enough information? When you catch yourself doing this, pause. Remind yourself that seeking certainty isn’t always possible, and shift your focus to tolerating the discomfort instead.
Self-Compassion Goes a Long Way
Uncertainty is hard. It’s okay to struggle with it. But instead of beating yourself up for feeling anxious, try treating yourself with kindness. Acknowledge that this is difficult and that you’re capable of handling it.

You Can Do Hard Things

The next time you find yourself desperate for answers, take a breath. Remind yourself that not knowing is part of the process. And trust that even in the unknown, you’ll figure things out as you go.

Because you will. You always do.